8th and final: Of elephants and bananas in the room

On this, my final day of my tour, a further word or two must be said about the candidates for the exams. For many of the blighters it’s their first experience of an exam and while understandably nervous, they do try. There was the candidate who was talking about Madonna for her presentation, wearing a Madonna shirt. Then there’s also the kids who you feel have bowed to the pressure from insistent mothers who get them to wear their, ‘I Love London’ T-shirts, to lend a certain theme to the exam. However, if you can’t wear an, ‘I Love London’ t-shirt during an English language exam, when can you wear it? I think the answer, as we all know, is that you simply just don’t buy an, ‘I Love London’ T-shirt, even if you do.

Then there’re also the candidates who bring in props and posters to help aid their topic presentations. A few years ago there was a lad who brought in a bow and arrow because he was talking about his visit to the Robin Hood Centre in Nottingham. Another examiner had the candidate bring in a nun, who stood silently during the whole exam – her presentation: religion. I had a couple of guitars brought in as well, this tour. Not played, but just fingered restlessly / stressfully during the presentation and questions. It’s one of those ‘elephants in the room’ which neither the candidate nor the examiner mentions, as we both wait to see who’ll bring it up first. Then, before you know it, the exam’s over and no-one’s mentioned the guitar (or whatever it may be) and it’s merely served the purpose of a curious decorative accoutrement. I’m sure it seemed like a good idea before the exam, though.

And then there are the answers to questions, some of which you’ll have already read about. One of the best things is finding out what the candidates think about different places. When asking about / eliciting differences, if the candidate’s been on holiday to London, we might ask, “What’s the difference between [candidate’s town] and London?” One response was that, “There are more traffic lights in London”. Interesting point to choose, but you can’t but deny the accuracy of the answer when you consider that all raffic management systems in Naples appear to have been abandoned in favour of a perpetual weaving and sudden parking of cars, mopeds and equally unpredictable pedestrians.

On eliciting differences, examiner Jo had this exchange: “What’s the difference between Naples and New York?" Reply: “New York is a city and Naples is a fruit". Well, yes. If you like. Examiner Vanessa has this one:

Vanessa: The boy is under the table. Where is the cat?"
Boy: Hmm, banana!

When we get past any confusion about why the boy might actually be under the table and what he is indeed doing there, the candidate's answer just places the casual listener into something more of a Lewis Carroll-ian world.

But apart from examining and waiting for hours at bus stations waiting for connections, etc., how have the evenings been spent? What down time has there been? Well, as the pictures have shown, when not responding to e-mails or marking from one of my other jobs, I’ve tended to take it easy.

When in Caserta, I did my best to search for the best place to have a healthily-measured gin and read my book, the key being to find the place with the best snacks as well. With the large lunches you get here, dinner is more of a nibbling affair, so light nibbles become key. The place you see pictured came out with fruit in a chocolate sauce – a little sweet for my savoury tooth, but they did answer terribly well. Through in a recent addiction to downloading and watching Battlestar Galactica (the newer version) with a bottle of prosecco or some beers, and you have yourself a very relaxing evening.

The phone in my bathroom in the hotel in Avellino put me in mind of Dr Strangelove (there's me taking an urgent call from the President...) and so thanks to free internet provision and Youtube, an enjoyable bath followed. And then there are the weekends. Last weekend was raining and so it was spent with examiners Ri and Jo with room service breakfast and the papers, but it might include a little travel and sight-seeing and certainly, some sun, if it’s out.

There's one of me picnicking in the Caserta Palace gardens and another of me from Castle San Elmo in Naples (above) when out with local friend Emy. This was me in my hotel room on Saturday with the sun shining on me as I looked out upon Vesuvius. All very pleasant, I’m sure you’ll agree, and certainly one of the best views of Naples (looking out of it - ah ha!), of which there are many.